Farewell iPod, I barely knew ye

That might be an exaggeration. I have gotten two very fulfilling years out of the lovely iPod nano I received as a Christmas gift a few years ago. However, our relationship was to be cut short when my little friend was misplaced (or so I thought) on Thursday of last week. Sadly, I found my little white nano outdoors and near my car, lying helplessly on the ground. The past month and a half of snow and freezing temperatures ensured that it had gotten wet, rendering it unceremoniously dead. Dear little nano, I loved you. You kept me company on my walks to school, long nights studying in the library, and some really good drives. Farewell, good friend, farewell.

Tagged!

Torrey, this is for you!!!

I was tagged weeks ago and have been slow in my response. It's really hard to think of 7 interesting facts about yourself! Be warned, I'm playing it fast and loose with the word interesting...

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.



1. I am a habitual driver.

When I need a little space, or time to think, or am even just bored I will always want to go on a drive. There’s something about being in constant motion and seeing a lot at once that is really relaxing to me. However, it can quickly become a time-consuming (not to mention expensive) habit; the last time I took off I ended up 90 miles from home. I generally forget that I eventually need to turn around and start heading back to wherever I’m coming from.



2. I would rather be hot than cold.

Seriously, there is very little in the world that makes me more agitated than being cold. Winter is one long ordeal to me and I don’t handle it like a trooper. If I had my way, I would "winter" in Florida and keep a heated blanket near me at all times. My theory is this: if you get too hot, you can always just sit for a minute and your temperature will balance. BUT – once you are cold you will stay cold until you manage to find a thermal sleeping bag or are cool with running in place while at school or work. Plus, cold hurts. Honestly, I feel bad for the people I am around all day because I complain constantly about the stupid snow and stupid ice and stupid wind and why can’t global warming start working like NOW because I am tired of being so damn cold all of the time.



3. I don’t talk on the phone without pacing.

I so dislike being on the phone that I usually take a walk to keep my body occupied while I chat. If I am indoors and it’s too cold or late to go outside I will literally walk back and forth in a straight line until I’m off the phone, at which point I am totally fine with sitting. People (who may find it maddening) have pointed this out to me on numerous occasions. So, if I seem distracted while talking with you on the phone please realize that I’m probably playing GPS in my head and thinking of a new route to take between my bed and closet door. Apologies.



4. I have a weird phobia about fish.

It’s not the actual creature that bothers me so much, but the fact that they reside in the same body of water all of the time. For example, I hate looking at the average-sized fish bowl because it grosses me out to think that anything will spend the better part of its life just swimming in it. I am most bothered by bowls/tanks that don’t have any lid or are open on top. Why is this, you ask? It is because I know that at some point when I am walking by it, the fishy will jump or splash or something and the water from that open container will end up in my mouth and I would rather be dead than have that happen, thank you very much.



5. I sleep with one of these at night:

I grind and clench my teeth so hard when I sleep that I have torn the ligaments in my jaw a few times as well as woken myself from the sound. So, I've had a sleeping mouth-guard thing since I was in junior high. I always feel like I'm playing dress up with werewolf or vampire teeth when I get ready for bed at night.



6. I am the most claustrophobic person you know.

It takes practically nothing for me to feel super-confined. I dress in layers so that I can ditch something easily and can’t stand the thought of socks (this may contribute to my temperature issues.) I never wear bracelets or rings and rarely wear necklaces. Turtlenecks need not apply. If it isn’t a flat or pump, I don’t want it near my feet. If there is too much clutter around I have a hard time focusing. I can’t sleep until I’ve washed any makeup off because my face feels like it’s suffocating otherwise. These neuroses are all on top of the obvious fact that I don’t like being in tight spaces with too many people. So, if I ever duck out while we’re somewhere that is too densely populated, don’t worry – I’ll be right back. I’m probably just out with my head between my knees, counting to ten, and searching for my normalcy.



7. I am just learning to ski.

Even though I spent almost all of my childhood in Utah, I haven’t had an active interest in skiing until this past year. I (read: my Dad) signed me up for a half-day lesson last winter in hopes that I could at least stop myself from crashing into other human beings on the mountain. On my first run down the big-kid hill, I had to have him literally pull me up from the ground at least four times. I think that that first run was the longest consecutive stream of profanity that I have ever heard in my life, and it came straight from my mouth. I’ve improved both my language and balance since then.



8. I was expelled from the seminary program twice in high school.

Not because I was rebellious, mind you, but because I couldn’t be bothered with consistently showing up. After many warning letters from the secretary to my home (and none-too-pleased parents) I would go through the process of getting my name back on the rolls and would then complete enough make-up work to pass. I don’t think I ever received lower than an A- grade in four years. The final irony was that I was asked to say a few words at the graduation ceremony during my last year; I have no idea what I said that didn’t get me sent straightaway to hell right then and there.


So there you have it. Some of the obscure I do so love. Get ready, because I tag:
Melissa, Sara, Sarah, Ashley, Kaylene, Tara, and whoever else would like to play!


PS - The last fact was just for fun - I consider myself a fraud in the church educational system. Sadly, my only teenage defiance...

Bouquets of Freshly-Sharpened Pencils

School started again today, my first classes on campus since last winter. I was surprised last night when I had a hard time falling asleep; as a kid I used to stay awake for hours every night before I started a new school year. However, I don't think I've subscribed to this behavior since I began a university education. When I was younger I think I must have been worried about the new students, teachers, and schedules that came along with every grade. Of course, it stands to reason that it was the increase in responsibility and demands on time that caused my apprehension as a child. I think that it is for these reasons and more that I found myself restless last night, worrying about the next "grade" I would encounter.

Had I known that I would see some dude wearing a short kilt on the way to class this morning, I would have spent my time losing sleep over that instead.

Reading Review - December

This is new - I'm not committing, just trying it out.

I read a lot; my major in college was chosen mostly because an English major is allowed and encouraged to read everything. I'm paying BYU for the privilege of being graded on reading and erudition and I love it.


The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Sometimes hard to read, forced me to learn about pre-"operation freedom" Afghanistan. I am so, so lucky.

Atonement by Ian McEwan
Probably better than the film. Beatiful language and style.

Hypocrite in a Poufy White Dress by Susan Jane Gilman
Cover art is young girl in sparkly princess dress and black combat boots. Really, really funny.

Young Goodman Brown and Other Short Stories by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Allows me to apply my knowledge of American Romanticism and criticism. Should be given a chance.

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Coming-of-age story that is well written. Also, you will learn a lot about bees.

I Am Legend by Richard Matheson
Vaguely related to Will Smith blockbuster. Biowarfare is unnerving and I hope to avoid it. Unlike most, I liked the ending.

The Plague by Albert Camus
Took three months to finish, longer than Moby Dick even. Original in French - maybe I would like it more as a first edition.

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
No excuse exists for not reading this book. The best (of the shorts) of Hemingway, should be used as a lead into the entire library.

Time's Arrow by Martin Amis
The most original premise and style I've come across in a long time, the story reads backwards from conclusion to introduction. Takes some time, but is worth the effort.

The Witches by Roald Dahl
I love this. It is simple and morbid and wonderful.

The How To Herb Book by Velma Keith and Monteen Gordon
Read in an hour or so, will probably be helpful if I'm ever poisoned outside the realm of modern medicine or decide to give herbal veganism a try.

Even As I Am by Neal A. Maxwell
This book deserves the effort of complete sentences. I took this from a bookcase at my parents house while I was writing a talk for Sacrament meeting earlier in the month. Elder Maxwell was always way above my head as a kid, but I've come to appreciate his discourse as my favorite both in style intellectual vivication. 'Even As I Am' refers to our progression towards a higher standard and draws heavily from the scriptures as well as human tendencies that Elder Maxwell recognizes as being decisive to both our divinity and decline. Although it is currently out of print, I would recommend that anyone find a copy and dedicate some time to studying - I now consider this to be a crucial text in my collective religious literature.

Maybe Next Year

I'm not dead or anything, just on sabbatical. It's quite lovely.

"Just send money. How about tens and twenties."

My friend Torrey made me the nicest CD of Christmas music this week and I've been thinking about my favorite holiday songs. I'll have to take the time to compile a list and then make sure that I have all of the wonderful favorites in one place, but I know right away which songs I DON"T like. The number one on this list has got to be the 'Christmas Shoes' song made famous (infamous?) by Michael Bolton. I know, Michael. Bolton. I was reading some funny stuff by the great Eric D. Snider when I stumbled upon this lovely bit:


"While we're on the subject of songs that are supposed to make you cry whose doctrine I find questionable, there's the recent sappy, crappy country hit "Christmas Shoes" (not to be confused with "Live Like You Were Dyin'," "Already There," or any of the other sappy, crappy country hits that are produced at the rate of one song per week). It's about a guy standing in line in a store at Christmastime, and this filthy urchin in front of him is buying a pair of women's shoes, which he declares to be for his mother:


"Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please

It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size

Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time

You see she's been sick for quite a while

And I know these shoes would make her smile

And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight"



Because, what, Jesus can't abide a barefoot woman? Or a woman who has shoes on that aren't beautiful? And who says Mama will be wearing shoes when she gets to heaven anyway? I believe the old saying is, "You can't take it with you." Does that not apply to shoes? Is there supposed to be an asterisk next to it?

You can't take it with you.*
*(except shoes)

Anyway, the kid in the song winds up getting the singer to buy him the shoes, because of course he's too poor to pay for them himself. I picture him thanking the man profusely, then hurrying out the door with the shoes to his mother, who's waiting in the car, smoking a cigarette:

"What took you so long? Here, let's see 'em ... What, these are the best you could find?! Pumps! I told you pumps! These are heels! I can't wear these, they make my feet hurt, you stupid brat! You better get it right at the next store. And would it kill you to cry a little? See if you can get someone to give you some cash, too. Mama can't buy lottery tickets with shoes."

And my question is, does this make me a bad person?"



And that to me, is Christmas spirit.

Oh my

I received a call this morning from one of the secretary's in my ward asking if I could make it to church a few minutes earlier than usual and quickly meet with one the bishopric counselors. Although I was hoping for a little explanation of my current calling (activities committee member), I was instead surprised with a new calling: Sunday School teacher. Yikes.

I've definitely been wary of past callings I've received, but I was a million times for comfortable with the idea of being a counselor in Relief Society or ward music-whatever than I am with this. So, kids, I am definitely going to be needing some advice. The thought of standing in front of strangers and teaching ANYTHING makes me a little sick. Maybe there will be some good/humorous stories to come out of this experience in this ward; although if there is some cosmic joke that dictates I lose my skirt again in front of any ward members, I may just apostatize.

Also - I am going to be speaking in sacrament meeting next Sunday and would appreciate any good recommendation on books/talks about forgiveness. Seriously folks, any help would be appreciated!